Wow! its been months. And to be blogging about what i'm about to write, right here, right now.....I never thought i'd had the courage to let this come online where just about anyone who may stumble on this blog would read my embarassing moments, but I just had to. Just had to let go, let myself release those pent up emotions, and remind myself that today i promised myself I WILL BE STRONG.

I hardly understand why but everytime in this class, i would shed tears. Any little shelling, or just a little questioning I would tear. Bucketsfull if I don't pull it all in again. Is it the stress? Is it the frustratation? Is it fear? I don't know. For the past year, almost every week, this would be the case. Embarassing aint it? If my classmates were to be talking about it, I wouldn't ever want to know too. But they sure have been nice, comforting me and telling me its ok, its normal, that they too cry buckets...just at home.

Its not that i want to cry out here in public. If I could control those tears I'd never ever shed a tear where anyone could see me. I hate to cry. It makes me feel like a weakling. Probably its 'cos Im already small in stature that I like to feel strong. Little things like not being sick in the past few years despite all the irregularmy sleeping hours is some sort of an accomplishment to me.

So today wasn't any different. All it took was a little remark, not meant to hurt. All he said was that I should've come earlier to see him, cos I always came at the last minute and I could feel those hot tears pushing out of my eyes. Luckily I managed to hold back long enough for him to say a few more words and leave. Then again it came. Everytime the same. I wished I was at home, behind the closed doors of my beloved sanctuary, my bed. Then I could cry and bail away till I had nothing left to cry about. But it never happens. When I'm at home, those tears would all dry up. Worst still, even when I'm at home and those tears start forming, I would pull them in again as fast as I could.

And now in the quiet of this classroom, where all my classmates have left and its only me here waiting for the bus, I write this to remind myself that I must be strong. I cannot cry so easily again. Like my classmate said, I have to pull myself together. Now its my final semester. I'm sure its not gonna get any easier in the real world. I really need to get out of this phase fast, cos it would be extra humiliating to be crying all the time at the workplace. Those people out there in this industry would never leave you in peace if this happens even once out there.

Tonight I would go home and cry it all away and let God do the healing. I would let Him replace my insecurities with His love, joy and peace. He said we are more than conquerors, I will claim it and conquer this phase. In Him I shall be strong!

People and manners. They don't come together.
Period..


Even after seeing the bus or train overloaded with people they still want to squeeze their way in. How annoying, this brainless people. I like the guy who shouted "oih! mau orang kat dalam sini mati ke? kita kat dalam ni, diri pun tak boleh, lagi mau masuk?!"

In short, he was scolding those ppl outside the train,cos after seeing the train so packed with people, they still want to push their not-so-little bodies in into the already-worst-than-sardin packed train. Prove is your little writer over here.

I got in the train at Subang. Thanks to the train delay, the amount of people at the station was just overwhelming. So the pushing starts. I could still stand straight when i just got in. There wasn't anywhere to hold, but not that i need them anyway. It was too packed too fall from the sway of the train. Then we came to the next station, and smart peoples still wanted to push their way in. Now I was slightly imbalanced, senget more like. I could hardly stand straight.

At the next station, still some non reasonable people pushed their way in. Needless to say I was pushed even more. I had to hold on to my sister (luckily we could go together today) because i was standing tip toe on one leg and the other leg couldn't even find ground to stand.

By the next station, I slowly started to lose more ground! Now I can't even stand straight at all. With one leg still on tip toe and the other leg not on ground, my body began to curve with all their pushing. I was standing in such an odd manner, if i didn't have my sis to hold on to I would just have fallen and probably be trampled on? Really, what is wrong with people?!

And the train continues on its journey to the next station. By now, I am standing in a 'C' shape. Odd enough? My leg still on tip toe, remember? The other leg, I finally managed to get it to hold some ground. Not fully, just enough to tip toe. Thats all I could push for in that crammed up train.
Weird eh? All because beside me is a bag on the ground, which took up some precious space. After that station, I couldn't stand any longer. All the pushing made me fall... onto the bag. Sorry to the bag owner, I hope there's nothing fragile in it. Its not my fault if there was anyway. Blame those silly people still pushing their butts in.
Well, at least I got a free 'chair' to sit on. Wahahahaha! Of course I tried not to put my whole weight on the bag, I ain't that evil nor desperate for a chair.

Phew! Im just glad that that was the last 2 stops. I came out soon enough and finally could breathe fresh air and feel my feet on the ground once again. What a relieve!

And I told myself, if ever I have to take public transport during peak hours, it won't be the KTM. The pushing and squashing in the bus is still more bearable than the train's. Oh trust me, I've got stories bout beeing squashed in the bus too. Not once, not twice, so many times! But, I shall not make this post any longer. You get the message already!.

Its finally holidays!!!!..yea!!
*see the smile so wide on the stressed filled face with eyes so small decorated with ugly eye bags*

This is (was) my semester 5.

The semester that ended so bad I wished it never started. Yet, I would never trade this semester because I did what i had always dreamed to.

So I'll hope and pray I'd pass.


Semester 5 in a nutshell:-
1) Paroimia took up 3 quarters of my sem, sem 5 would not be sem 5 without it. Meetings after meetings, and my homework fell backward. =)Yet, i absolutely LOVE Paroimia, from the show to the people and the work too!

~Memories from Paroimia 2009~

2) Then semester started in late Feb. We didn't get the lecturer we alllll were looking forward too!!!! *What to do???* yea, we fought but to no avail. (We, meaning 5 of us out of the 24 in the class..hmph!) This col really love to trick us. They promised us a diff lecturer, suppossedly a designer fr Germany who had previously worked with famous designers in NY. But what did she do? eversince she's here, not even 1 person has not been pissed by her. In short, she's just trouble. She never once taught us. Silly us for the fat hopes we had, thinking a European lect with that experience would do us good. Silly us again for thinking that the col ever had its students in mind. We heard they reduced the better lecturer's amount of class for she commanded a higher pay. You see, usually she would teach both semester 5 and 6 for this particular subj. But this time round they only gave her semester 6.....again because they petitioned so much the last sem.

3) A month since she entered, she now shows her colours. What does she want? a Batik fashion show....right smack in the midst of our finals. Doing the batik, draping the cloth, attending her silly meetings which herself never showed up......took so many precious days and weeks of our semester!!! thus many of us were very late in getting our finals approved and done. In the end, after much squabbling and flying spiteful comments, we and our lecturers did the fashion show...without her. The first time, i dare say, the lecturers and students were in unity, in making the show a success.

Draping the 2 m cloth weeks before fashion show



My model wearing my batik.


4) This sem, I also went for my very first fashion show. Not attending as a guest, but helping backstage with a few of my classmates and a few other coursemates form semester 2 and 4. It was AN experience, literally. One we all never want to repeat. We were treated like free slaves, shouted at, scolded, called useless by a model and '...like rats' by that international designer who really have no respect for people. None of us 24 students from my uni wanted to help him. We all stuck to helping Agatha Ruiz de la Prada...the nicer, more respectful designer from Madrid.

5) It was a really busy sem too, both for me and Stef, for we only went lunch 3 or 4 times together. Partly due to the fact our classes time really clashed....she had mainly evening classes, mine was all morning. I misssss you so much gal!! And John.....i only saw you like 3 or 4 times around uni!!!

6)But that proved good for me and my classmates. Since Christina would only come for class after lunch, I became closer to the rest of my classmates. I only regret not knowing them earlier=]
During one of our visual merchandising class...them posing as mannequins=)

7) what else?....at the end of this sem, I will be doing my internship. The college got me Beatrice Looi....so, MOnday's the first day. Looking forward to seeing whats installed for me and my friend there!

8) the other day my bro told my mum that she should graduate with me. lol. All because during this last week since MOnday (the day before my presentation) my mum and the rest of my family too worked tirelessly to help me finish=) Love them too bits..i dunno what I'd do without them.! They slept late nights, especially my mum who had one whole night without sleep too just to help me finish my garments and then having to send me there as well. They had to do my chores for the past 3 weeks cos my mum kindly relinquished all duties of me so i can concentrate on finishing. On top of that, I made them help me do anything I thought they could handle like pleating cloth, marking with chalk, painting one of my fabrics ( we had to use batik for our final), putting silicate solution all over the fabric....anything! So funny, my dad was so worried he wondered if i needed to send my garment to the tailor!.

9) oh and guess what? I forgot to take photo of my models wearing my garments again!=) so till i steal those pics of the col photographers hands....no photos for you..haha. the sad thing is, i only managed to finish 2 garments out of 3 in time for the presentation....with no boards i entered into that torture room. Obviously, he (my lect) scolded me...ish so memalukan..dahlah the models there. I really abslutely hope to passsss and not lose my scholarship! Christina and Stef can pleaase kick me to work faster next sem!!!


*sorry, all unedited photos cos i just started my hols. I shall learn how to edit photos soon.

9PM, Tuesday, 10th Feb: The Day Aussie Won

To:

You.
You that I've known for so long
the right question should be 'When did I not know you?'

Though we seldom shared secrets,
Though we seldom called or messaged,
Though we seldom hanged out;

The times we did chat, however general the topics may seem
I always felt blessed I had you as my friend,
The times we called frantically wanting to know if you'd be going
or persuading one another to go,
cos we both never wanted to be alone,
The times we went out, be it just us or
with the parents or the groups that brought us together
All our funny silly moments,
remember when we couldn't move our boat in Malacca,we had to be pulled?
remember the karaoke session, and that miserable meal?
remember that shopping where we both bought 2 same tops?

It makes me smile to know I could pop in your house anytime,
the time we stayed so near.
But then you shifted and i missed the random popping in,
though through the years it had become less frequent.
Then one morning, I woke up to hear you downstairs,
Surprised I was, but equally happy too.
That one morning became many mornings and afternoons and nights.
My house now became a familiar place
you could hang out while waiting.

When you told me your plans to go abroad
I secretly wished you wouldn't.
But then again, what kinda friend is a selfish one?
So I relented and thanked God for internet.

Though 3 hours is a quite a difference,
We'll still meet.
I'll come earlier, you'll stay a lil bit later.
I guess we can't take this friendship for granted any longer.
Its time we put in a little more effort and
make the friendship all the more worth cherishing.
(Not that it isn't now=])

Here's a toast to You while you're over there.
Cheers to our friendship,
Cheers to a new chapter in your life,
Cheers to waiting to see you in Dec!!

I found an old band i loved so much!!!! It was a song tape given to me by a friend in primary sch..haha shows how old this is. And recently the only tape player left i have spoiled. argh!!!!!
So when i found this on you tube....and this is the only song from this band i've found so far.... i was happpppppy=) Now, i've just gotta find a way to save it into an mp3 or wma format.

p/s: anyone who has any song from this band..i want i want!!!!! hahaha

Brother's Keeper: I Saw Heaven

Counted amongst them guys

Now,
what if you were a girl, but always mistakenly counted as one of the other gender? Yes, the guys.
hmmmhh..........

That is exactly what happens to my youngest sister A-L-L the time!
because she is the youngest she's got no bed of her own in the 'girls' room.
because she is the youngest she had to share the room with the boys.
because she is the youngest and born after 2 boys she always plays with them boys.

And because of that, many times when we call "Boys!", we mean her too.
Unintentionally, yes. For convenience, maybe. =]

Today I drove all the way back from KLIA. My first time driving on a highway! I drove at 60km/hr, touched 80km/hr twice on a 90km/hr highway and at certain turnings dipped to 20km/hr! LOL I must certainly be a tortoise on the road that the PLUS Ronda truck travelled behind me for quite a stretch to make sure I would be fine.=)
I was at first wondering what could be wrong with the driver of this yellow truck behind me, for he did not overtake or switch lanes like just about everyone else who were behind me at first. Later only did my mum tell me that it was the PLUS Ronda team making sure I'm safe enough.
I thank God no one honked me, for I would have panicked and consented to drive at 90 and forgo my sense of control. Thank goodness too KLIA is near my Uni so once we got out of the airport area, we were on almost- familiar grounds. Almost, because if you ask me now to draw the road map for you I would probably miss out a few turns here and there. I know better if we were on the road itself.

I must have been a nuisance to others, but pardon me it was my very first time, and I'm of course afraid that If I went too fast I wouldn't be able to control well. So bear with it people who drive at 100+ on a 90km/hr freeway, you were once like me too!

Going out with friends you've known since ages ago really does wonders to your soul.
it turns a frown into a smile,
brightens up your moody week,
and
brings back those memories
you never want to forget.



i love you girls! too bad San couldn't make it=(
Though we seldom meet, that laughter, the way you talk, your clumsiness (LOL!) ...it's like we never left school!!
Though the 2 of you seemed to be bantering medical terms back and forth, exchanging experiences and making me confused, haha, I, surprisingly didn't feel left out at all. So funny. Guess we just haven't met up for so long (1 1/2 years, Wai Ying!) that our differences didn't matter anymore, just as long as we had that few hours together chatting and recollecting memories and trying to guess what happened to the rest of our classmates.

What's better than turning 21?

Turning 21 and Getting Married the same year too!

While all the past times i have been to weddings, it was either and aunty or uncle's, or the child of my parent's friend (which i don't know, usually), these time around, it's the wedding of my own friends! People i actually know and have spoken to. That makes the event even more special to me.

Last Friday i attended the wedding reception of a friend i sadly never really gotten to know well enough. We did talk, little though and usually the casual questions about studies and life in general. I guess having different cliques, that were really opposites, amongst a great sea of peers all these years didn't do us any good. Her actual wedding date was in December last year , so technically she did get married at 21. Yes, she is MY AGE!

Wonderful isn't it to make that all important decision at a considerably young age? I really admire them for their decision

So, to the newly wedded couple, may 2009 be especially special for you both as you embark on a new journey. Congratulations and may God bless you two as you step into a new phase in life together!

I wish i could hug you each time you call me,
each time your sobs drown your voice
and all i can hear is the sorrow background
of pain, and hurt, and questions unanswered.

2 years ago i thought i was watching a Bollywood drama,
as your life unraveled it was just so unbelievably stage like
your drama-filled life, the endless troubles you ran into,
so hilarious and frustrating,
how it always came back to that same point,
yet you never listened when we told you so.

Maybe if you persevered long enough you would see
that glimmer of hope at the end of this long, dark tunnel?
maybe if you would hold on and hang on and never let go
you would see the wonderful plan He mapped out for you long before you existed?

Maybe if you would pray a little harder, trust a little more and doubt a little less
maybe if you would allow yourself to breathe again, and live life again.

There must be more to your life than these,
oh Lord, put the smile back on her face again
and the laughter back in her voice again!


And remember:
WE will always be here for you.