Wow! its been months. And to be blogging about what i'm about to write, right here, right now.....I never thought i'd had the courage to let this come online where just about anyone who may stumble on this blog would read my embarassing moments, but I just had to. Just had to let go, let myself release those pent up emotions, and remind myself that today i promised myself I WILL BE STRONG.

I hardly understand why but everytime in this class, i would shed tears. Any little shelling, or just a little questioning I would tear. Bucketsfull if I don't pull it all in again. Is it the stress? Is it the frustratation? Is it fear? I don't know. For the past year, almost every week, this would be the case. Embarassing aint it? If my classmates were to be talking about it, I wouldn't ever want to know too. But they sure have been nice, comforting me and telling me its ok, its normal, that they too cry buckets...just at home.

Its not that i want to cry out here in public. If I could control those tears I'd never ever shed a tear where anyone could see me. I hate to cry. It makes me feel like a weakling. Probably its 'cos Im already small in stature that I like to feel strong. Little things like not being sick in the past few years despite all the irregularmy sleeping hours is some sort of an accomplishment to me.

So today wasn't any different. All it took was a little remark, not meant to hurt. All he said was that I should've come earlier to see him, cos I always came at the last minute and I could feel those hot tears pushing out of my eyes. Luckily I managed to hold back long enough for him to say a few more words and leave. Then again it came. Everytime the same. I wished I was at home, behind the closed doors of my beloved sanctuary, my bed. Then I could cry and bail away till I had nothing left to cry about. But it never happens. When I'm at home, those tears would all dry up. Worst still, even when I'm at home and those tears start forming, I would pull them in again as fast as I could.

And now in the quiet of this classroom, where all my classmates have left and its only me here waiting for the bus, I write this to remind myself that I must be strong. I cannot cry so easily again. Like my classmate said, I have to pull myself together. Now its my final semester. I'm sure its not gonna get any easier in the real world. I really need to get out of this phase fast, cos it would be extra humiliating to be crying all the time at the workplace. Those people out there in this industry would never leave you in peace if this happens even once out there.

Tonight I would go home and cry it all away and let God do the healing. I would let Him replace my insecurities with His love, joy and peace. He said we are more than conquerors, I will claim it and conquer this phase. In Him I shall be strong!

People and manners. They don't come together.
Period..


Even after seeing the bus or train overloaded with people they still want to squeeze their way in. How annoying, this brainless people. I like the guy who shouted "oih! mau orang kat dalam sini mati ke? kita kat dalam ni, diri pun tak boleh, lagi mau masuk?!"

In short, he was scolding those ppl outside the train,cos after seeing the train so packed with people, they still want to push their not-so-little bodies in into the already-worst-than-sardin packed train. Prove is your little writer over here.

I got in the train at Subang. Thanks to the train delay, the amount of people at the station was just overwhelming. So the pushing starts. I could still stand straight when i just got in. There wasn't anywhere to hold, but not that i need them anyway. It was too packed too fall from the sway of the train. Then we came to the next station, and smart peoples still wanted to push their way in. Now I was slightly imbalanced, senget more like. I could hardly stand straight.

At the next station, still some non reasonable people pushed their way in. Needless to say I was pushed even more. I had to hold on to my sister (luckily we could go together today) because i was standing tip toe on one leg and the other leg couldn't even find ground to stand.

By the next station, I slowly started to lose more ground! Now I can't even stand straight at all. With one leg still on tip toe and the other leg not on ground, my body began to curve with all their pushing. I was standing in such an odd manner, if i didn't have my sis to hold on to I would just have fallen and probably be trampled on? Really, what is wrong with people?!

And the train continues on its journey to the next station. By now, I am standing in a 'C' shape. Odd enough? My leg still on tip toe, remember? The other leg, I finally managed to get it to hold some ground. Not fully, just enough to tip toe. Thats all I could push for in that crammed up train.
Weird eh? All because beside me is a bag on the ground, which took up some precious space. After that station, I couldn't stand any longer. All the pushing made me fall... onto the bag. Sorry to the bag owner, I hope there's nothing fragile in it. Its not my fault if there was anyway. Blame those silly people still pushing their butts in.
Well, at least I got a free 'chair' to sit on. Wahahahaha! Of course I tried not to put my whole weight on the bag, I ain't that evil nor desperate for a chair.

Phew! Im just glad that that was the last 2 stops. I came out soon enough and finally could breathe fresh air and feel my feet on the ground once again. What a relieve!

And I told myself, if ever I have to take public transport during peak hours, it won't be the KTM. The pushing and squashing in the bus is still more bearable than the train's. Oh trust me, I've got stories bout beeing squashed in the bus too. Not once, not twice, so many times! But, I shall not make this post any longer. You get the message already!.

Its finally holidays!!!!..yea!!
*see the smile so wide on the stressed filled face with eyes so small decorated with ugly eye bags*

This is (was) my semester 5.

The semester that ended so bad I wished it never started. Yet, I would never trade this semester because I did what i had always dreamed to.

So I'll hope and pray I'd pass.


Semester 5 in a nutshell:-
1) Paroimia took up 3 quarters of my sem, sem 5 would not be sem 5 without it. Meetings after meetings, and my homework fell backward. =)Yet, i absolutely LOVE Paroimia, from the show to the people and the work too!

~Memories from Paroimia 2009~

2) Then semester started in late Feb. We didn't get the lecturer we alllll were looking forward too!!!! *What to do???* yea, we fought but to no avail. (We, meaning 5 of us out of the 24 in the class..hmph!) This col really love to trick us. They promised us a diff lecturer, suppossedly a designer fr Germany who had previously worked with famous designers in NY. But what did she do? eversince she's here, not even 1 person has not been pissed by her. In short, she's just trouble. She never once taught us. Silly us for the fat hopes we had, thinking a European lect with that experience would do us good. Silly us again for thinking that the col ever had its students in mind. We heard they reduced the better lecturer's amount of class for she commanded a higher pay. You see, usually she would teach both semester 5 and 6 for this particular subj. But this time round they only gave her semester 6.....again because they petitioned so much the last sem.

3) A month since she entered, she now shows her colours. What does she want? a Batik fashion show....right smack in the midst of our finals. Doing the batik, draping the cloth, attending her silly meetings which herself never showed up......took so many precious days and weeks of our semester!!! thus many of us were very late in getting our finals approved and done. In the end, after much squabbling and flying spiteful comments, we and our lecturers did the fashion show...without her. The first time, i dare say, the lecturers and students were in unity, in making the show a success.

Draping the 2 m cloth weeks before fashion show



My model wearing my batik.


4) This sem, I also went for my very first fashion show. Not attending as a guest, but helping backstage with a few of my classmates and a few other coursemates form semester 2 and 4. It was AN experience, literally. One we all never want to repeat. We were treated like free slaves, shouted at, scolded, called useless by a model and '...like rats' by that international designer who really have no respect for people. None of us 24 students from my uni wanted to help him. We all stuck to helping Agatha Ruiz de la Prada...the nicer, more respectful designer from Madrid.

5) It was a really busy sem too, both for me and Stef, for we only went lunch 3 or 4 times together. Partly due to the fact our classes time really clashed....she had mainly evening classes, mine was all morning. I misssss you so much gal!! And John.....i only saw you like 3 or 4 times around uni!!!

6)But that proved good for me and my classmates. Since Christina would only come for class after lunch, I became closer to the rest of my classmates. I only regret not knowing them earlier=]
During one of our visual merchandising class...them posing as mannequins=)

7) what else?....at the end of this sem, I will be doing my internship. The college got me Beatrice Looi....so, MOnday's the first day. Looking forward to seeing whats installed for me and my friend there!

8) the other day my bro told my mum that she should graduate with me. lol. All because during this last week since MOnday (the day before my presentation) my mum and the rest of my family too worked tirelessly to help me finish=) Love them too bits..i dunno what I'd do without them.! They slept late nights, especially my mum who had one whole night without sleep too just to help me finish my garments and then having to send me there as well. They had to do my chores for the past 3 weeks cos my mum kindly relinquished all duties of me so i can concentrate on finishing. On top of that, I made them help me do anything I thought they could handle like pleating cloth, marking with chalk, painting one of my fabrics ( we had to use batik for our final), putting silicate solution all over the fabric....anything! So funny, my dad was so worried he wondered if i needed to send my garment to the tailor!.

9) oh and guess what? I forgot to take photo of my models wearing my garments again!=) so till i steal those pics of the col photographers hands....no photos for you..haha. the sad thing is, i only managed to finish 2 garments out of 3 in time for the presentation....with no boards i entered into that torture room. Obviously, he (my lect) scolded me...ish so memalukan..dahlah the models there. I really abslutely hope to passsss and not lose my scholarship! Christina and Stef can pleaase kick me to work faster next sem!!!


*sorry, all unedited photos cos i just started my hols. I shall learn how to edit photos soon.

9PM, Tuesday, 10th Feb: The Day Aussie Won

To:

You.
You that I've known for so long
the right question should be 'When did I not know you?'

Though we seldom shared secrets,
Though we seldom called or messaged,
Though we seldom hanged out;

The times we did chat, however general the topics may seem
I always felt blessed I had you as my friend,
The times we called frantically wanting to know if you'd be going
or persuading one another to go,
cos we both never wanted to be alone,
The times we went out, be it just us or
with the parents or the groups that brought us together
All our funny silly moments,
remember when we couldn't move our boat in Malacca,we had to be pulled?
remember the karaoke session, and that miserable meal?
remember that shopping where we both bought 2 same tops?

It makes me smile to know I could pop in your house anytime,
the time we stayed so near.
But then you shifted and i missed the random popping in,
though through the years it had become less frequent.
Then one morning, I woke up to hear you downstairs,
Surprised I was, but equally happy too.
That one morning became many mornings and afternoons and nights.
My house now became a familiar place
you could hang out while waiting.

When you told me your plans to go abroad
I secretly wished you wouldn't.
But then again, what kinda friend is a selfish one?
So I relented and thanked God for internet.

Though 3 hours is a quite a difference,
We'll still meet.
I'll come earlier, you'll stay a lil bit later.
I guess we can't take this friendship for granted any longer.
Its time we put in a little more effort and
make the friendship all the more worth cherishing.
(Not that it isn't now=])

Here's a toast to You while you're over there.
Cheers to our friendship,
Cheers to a new chapter in your life,
Cheers to waiting to see you in Dec!!

I found an old band i loved so much!!!! It was a song tape given to me by a friend in primary sch..haha shows how old this is. And recently the only tape player left i have spoiled. argh!!!!!
So when i found this on you tube....and this is the only song from this band i've found so far.... i was happpppppy=) Now, i've just gotta find a way to save it into an mp3 or wma format.

p/s: anyone who has any song from this band..i want i want!!!!! hahaha

Brother's Keeper: I Saw Heaven

Counted amongst them guys

Now,
what if you were a girl, but always mistakenly counted as one of the other gender? Yes, the guys.
hmmmhh..........

That is exactly what happens to my youngest sister A-L-L the time!
because she is the youngest she's got no bed of her own in the 'girls' room.
because she is the youngest she had to share the room with the boys.
because she is the youngest and born after 2 boys she always plays with them boys.

And because of that, many times when we call "Boys!", we mean her too.
Unintentionally, yes. For convenience, maybe. =]

Today I drove all the way back from KLIA. My first time driving on a highway! I drove at 60km/hr, touched 80km/hr twice on a 90km/hr highway and at certain turnings dipped to 20km/hr! LOL I must certainly be a tortoise on the road that the PLUS Ronda truck travelled behind me for quite a stretch to make sure I would be fine.=)
I was at first wondering what could be wrong with the driver of this yellow truck behind me, for he did not overtake or switch lanes like just about everyone else who were behind me at first. Later only did my mum tell me that it was the PLUS Ronda team making sure I'm safe enough.
I thank God no one honked me, for I would have panicked and consented to drive at 90 and forgo my sense of control. Thank goodness too KLIA is near my Uni so once we got out of the airport area, we were on almost- familiar grounds. Almost, because if you ask me now to draw the road map for you I would probably miss out a few turns here and there. I know better if we were on the road itself.

I must have been a nuisance to others, but pardon me it was my very first time, and I'm of course afraid that If I went too fast I wouldn't be able to control well. So bear with it people who drive at 100+ on a 90km/hr freeway, you were once like me too!

Going out with friends you've known since ages ago really does wonders to your soul.
it turns a frown into a smile,
brightens up your moody week,
and
brings back those memories
you never want to forget.



i love you girls! too bad San couldn't make it=(
Though we seldom meet, that laughter, the way you talk, your clumsiness (LOL!) ...it's like we never left school!!
Though the 2 of you seemed to be bantering medical terms back and forth, exchanging experiences and making me confused, haha, I, surprisingly didn't feel left out at all. So funny. Guess we just haven't met up for so long (1 1/2 years, Wai Ying!) that our differences didn't matter anymore, just as long as we had that few hours together chatting and recollecting memories and trying to guess what happened to the rest of our classmates.

What's better than turning 21?

Turning 21 and Getting Married the same year too!

While all the past times i have been to weddings, it was either and aunty or uncle's, or the child of my parent's friend (which i don't know, usually), these time around, it's the wedding of my own friends! People i actually know and have spoken to. That makes the event even more special to me.

Last Friday i attended the wedding reception of a friend i sadly never really gotten to know well enough. We did talk, little though and usually the casual questions about studies and life in general. I guess having different cliques, that were really opposites, amongst a great sea of peers all these years didn't do us any good. Her actual wedding date was in December last year , so technically she did get married at 21. Yes, she is MY AGE!

Wonderful isn't it to make that all important decision at a considerably young age? I really admire them for their decision

So, to the newly wedded couple, may 2009 be especially special for you both as you embark on a new journey. Congratulations and may God bless you two as you step into a new phase in life together!

I wish i could hug you each time you call me,
each time your sobs drown your voice
and all i can hear is the sorrow background
of pain, and hurt, and questions unanswered.

2 years ago i thought i was watching a Bollywood drama,
as your life unraveled it was just so unbelievably stage like
your drama-filled life, the endless troubles you ran into,
so hilarious and frustrating,
how it always came back to that same point,
yet you never listened when we told you so.

Maybe if you persevered long enough you would see
that glimmer of hope at the end of this long, dark tunnel?
maybe if you would hold on and hang on and never let go
you would see the wonderful plan He mapped out for you long before you existed?

Maybe if you would pray a little harder, trust a little more and doubt a little less
maybe if you would allow yourself to breathe again, and live life again.

There must be more to your life than these,
oh Lord, put the smile back on her face again
and the laughter back in her voice again!


And remember:
WE will always be here for you.

HELP! Tell me I'm not emotionless

Even if i barely laugh at your jokes
Even if your incessant laughter fails to infect me
Even if your shocking news causes me to only say "oo",
Even if after you've poured your heart out and all i could muster is a weak smile.

I wanted to hug you, but i dared not.
I wanted to laugh out loud, but i just could not.
I wanted to tell you what i thought of it, but i was afraid.
I wanted so much to be that pillar of strength you so needed then, but i just lost all words,
I was blank, once again.

I can't help but notice how emotionless i have become over the past few years. Read me right, I am NOT totally emotionless, just maybe emotionless to some, full of emotion to others? Sound's like my emotions have moods too. Funny thing, but to some people, its almost impossible to allow my true emotions to show, even to hug them feels weird. But to selected few, its just so natural, i'm probably only my truest then.

Sometimes theres so much going through my mind, but i just don't know where to start, i don't know how to tell you. Sometimes i don't even know if i want to tell you. I feel so bad for not sharing my opinions, but i go blank so often, its not that i don't want to but rather i can't. Makes me feel utterly useless, its like my very existence there is as good as invisible. I hate disappointing you, yet its so hard not too. I keep feeling so incompetent , you probably already thought of it before i even said anything.

Yet, know that i truly cherish you. I wouldn't trade anything for you, the friendship you gave me is what i look forward to everyday. Even though my expressions betray my emotions most of the time, know that deep inside i really want to
laugh aloud at your antics and jokes
hug you tightly and tell you how much i care
point out what i thought was weird
and let you in on my deepest secrets.

Tell me again that i'm not emotionless. I only hide my emotions really well, because being vulnerable is like having the 3 football fields thick wall around you suddenly smashed.

You know whats hard when doing a tag?....its the caption and reasoning part. The tag is usually relatively easy, especially the one below. But to reason when the results are just so absolutely silly and have nothing to do with the question..hmph, thats the difficult part. And theres the part where the answers' scream your true feelings....don't you just feel like fabricating those results to save yourslf from the interrogations later on? heheheh

tagged by Aaron:

Put your iTunes/any other players on shuffle.
II. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
III. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
IV. Tag 11 friends who might enjoy doing this.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Er Zuo Ju (prank)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
bu neng geng ni fen shou (can't stand breaking up with you)-----?????

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
here in my home ----aiyor, sound so wrong!

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
carry you home----huh?

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
someday i will understand----yer so depressing wan.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
ultimate you----hmh, being true to oneself, maybe?

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
better than me----wahahahha

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
enchanted: thats how you know .....lol. i don't know.

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
too little to late-----sigh, regrets...ain't it disheartening?

10. WHAT IS 2+2?
run into your arms-----i.am.speechless.

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
the potential break up song----ouch, that really HURTS!!

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
i think i love you---at least got berkaitan with the question.

13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
SMS----i like to sms a lot?...true also

14. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
hoy me voy .........erm, i don't even know what it means.

15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
shut up and drive ...ahahahha, shut up n drive safely to the funeral parlour!

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
goodbye's the saddest word-----wouldn't it be better if these was (15)'s answer?..hmph

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
pokarekare ana

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
wo men zhen me le ......aduh, why does all my answers bend towards the negative??!

19. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
first love

20. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
sidewalks-----ouch this is sad!

21. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
too much to ask----yea, private question. LOL

22. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
autumn in my heart...HUH?

23. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
savages---hahahahaha

24. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
keep holding on---awwww


LOL my results are just so freaking silly, not to mention so tak berkaitan!

People I'd like to tag (In no order of preference ) :
1) aiyor
2) whoever
3) feels
4) that
5) urge
6) to
7) do
8) this
9) interestingly
10) lame
11) tag.

SO you go blog hopping? I do to. In fact I think its a very exciting pastime, good or bad, it depends. If you have assignments and you're blog hopping then, nay, it ain't good. But if you happen to be very, absolutely free, then by all means=)

Why do I think its really exciting? Because I always stumble upon interesting reads, thought-provoking posts, inspiring works or glimpses of friends I haven't heard from for ages! Remember those 'kotak hitam' experiments we use to do in school? Blog hopping to me is like when you put your hand in that tiny hole at the top of the box, then you wiggle your way around trying to guess whats in it, and it usually turns out differently. It's like > *SURPRISE*< at the end of the hopping.

So nosy. Me ? Not that I'm a busy body, I'm not interested at what you've been up to (if you're not my friend), I just like looking for good reads, good pictures and ideas. And, hey, you put that blog up here, its not surprising if I stumble upon it, right am i?

Anyway, its funny how I go to peoples blogs and find out things I never knew, even if I sort-of-knew them for as long as I was in school. Back then, the only conversations we exchanged would be the occasional 'hi!', or the 'could you pick my pen for me please?' and neither would say anymore. Funny. Pathetic.

Then I go on further, and I discover they, who hardly spoke to one another then, whom no one would have guessed they would be at the same place, save at school; now in the same picture, posing with friends whom I know not. No, it wasn't a class picture of any sort. It was at an event that has nothing to do with college. So, they had something in common after all!

I look at the friends list, and pick out a name or two that I think I might know. Sometimes I guess right, sometimes it turns out to be a completely different person, sometimes its people I don't know after all. But even at these certain person I-do-not-know's blog, I find out he/she and I have a common friend! Small world right?

Lemme tell you again....blog hopping IS fun! Just know when to and when not. Self-discipline people! Me is still learning that;)

I cannot understand how one can say they love their current other half, yet cannot see marriage with that person even after dating for quite awhile. If you don't really think you'll marry them, it implies that you'd probably eventually break up, no? And we all know that break ups causes heartaches, emotional pain and such. Yeah, you say you'll get over it eventually......REALLY? completely? think harder.

So, if you know you're gonna get wounded when it ends...why continue on with this 'temporary relationship'? why get together in the first place? why?.....to enjoy the moment then get yourself hurt after that? then bring that emotional baggage into your (probable) eventual marriage (to someone else, perhaps)?

i haven't blogged in a month!

not that its anything to be surprised anyway. i decided i'd spare u all another truckload of emo posts. hahaha

finally the mad-rush-to-finish-every-single-asgmt month is over! yes, its holidays=]

this sem was really really really bad....i dunnoe what i have been doing cos it seemed as though i had 4 months worth of work to complete in the past 2 weeks. 'nuff said, i barely slept.

if i didn't have the help of my mum and allll my siblings i would never have finished in time. really thankful to them alll....my mum din sleep for 2 nights (not in a row lar) helping me tooo...dahlah the next day gotta drive me to uni to pass up.

next sem's i really absoloutely need to work faster, procrastinate much less, be more confident with my ideas....sigh cos ar, if i dun think my idea is right/ good i won't start my work wan lor.....bad bad. Someone please kick me if i dun work faster n harder next time!!!

You thought you knew,

You thought you needed to try;

Now your paper heart bleeds,

Your crying buckets.

This heartbreak was never meant for you,

It was your choice that caused you this;

I had better plans installed for you,

All you had to do was to WAIT.

I offered you the perfect love,

But you wanted more,

I promised you I'd give you more;

…just not yet, you weren't ready.

You questioned why,

You wanted a clear answer;

Your friends voice was clear enough!

Instead you wouldn't listen;

..what do they know?

You went ahead anyway.

Sigh…..you only needed to TRUST me.

Now you come back crying.

All hope seems lost, your heart is shattered,

You gave more than you received,

You are drained to your very last.

You rejected me then; I could reject you now,

But because I love you more than you could ever imagine,

I am giving you the chance to HOPE; yet again.

This morning i read about how sleep, or rather the lack of it, could affect our devotion time. For me, that slapped me right in the face! well.....i have been like an owl the past few weeks, finding it hard to keep my sleepy eyes open and heavy head up to do my work during the day, but when at night (past 12am) i am awake! Partly due to the fact I've been falling asleep so many times during the day already...lol
Then it goes on to say that researches have proven that the lack of sleep causes us to eat more than usual! Have to admit that can be true....cos i usually get very hungry if i stay up past midnight. Too bad my weighing scales is out, don't know if all those late night suppers' done wonders to my weight!!!! ...(or is ignorance bliss? hehe)
Remember the story in Acts, where Eutychus fell soundly asleep while Paul was preaching and dropped 3 floors down to his death? (later brought back to life through Paul la) and another one about Jacob who was so tired he could even use a rock for a pillow!! the Bible really has lotsa sound advice=]
When we don't have enough rest we find it hard to concentrate, or even give God His time. Or sometimes we (or me laaa) decide to spend a lil time for devotion, then i think twice and hw got the better of me. I start to feel guilty for not spending whatever little time i have to finish my asgmts. Bad choice, i know. Blame the laziness and indiscipline, now i've gotta work tripple times harder to finish all in 1 1/2 months; thus the late nights.
I know we young peeps love staying up late...cos, i dunnoe, but we all just seem to be doing that. haha. But the question is, is your staying up late/ sleepless nights causing u to spend less time with God or to not spend time with Him at all?

They actually have my name=]

not exactly but got lar.

i'm talking bout this name quiz thing.
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyournameshiddenmeaningquiz

this is what i got:

What Shernai Means You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out.
Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia.
Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

quite true lar most of it.... but good in business and academia?.....hmh, maybe not.

Meeting up with long time friends never fails to remind me how little we know of each other. Our knowledge of each other is really so shallow, sometimes i don't even know what to talk bout anymore. I long to share with you the other side of me you probably never saw but i just don't know where to start. To tell you from the beginning its so ancient we'll never get to the top in that few hours. But to not tell you at all would seem unfair; to call you my closest friends and yet if someone asked us about us, all we know is each other's course, uni and the personality we seem to see. The reality; of course we don't really know. Isn't that what everyone else knows too?
Its such an irony, the fact that i know so many people from so, so long ago, yet i don't actually know them. Neither do they know me well enough to be the pages of my diary if i ever lose my memory.
I wish i had a friend who could be those pages, who could tell me what i was thinking even if i didn't speak a word. Someone i can tell everything and anything to, even if its about them.

Just thinking of it makes me emo, i feel the jealousy creeping in already. I know God could fill that place but just having a physical friend that fits that bill is perhaps a little more securing? Or maybe God didn't intend for some to have those sort of friends for reasons i really would like to know too. So we could learn to lean on Him even more maybe since He know's if we had one we would then depend on them instead?

How do you think a dam (empangan) looks like? A place with lotsa water and a wall nearby? That's what I thought too. Till I went on a family holiday last monday to wednessday to this place called the Tasik Temenggor Discovery Island. It's basically a resort somewhere in the dam surrounded by nature, eg trees, endangered animals and tonnes of insects.
It is indeed a beautiful place, for those who appreciate nature and a simple place devoid of air cond, television ....basically your cut off from the world outside to just enjoy God's wonderful creation. Really, once you reach the jetty in Grik, Perak; you still need to take a half and hour ferry ride to the resort. That is how deep inside the dam the place is. And all through the journey you see nothing but vast waters, and luscious green jungle islands. There's so many of this small islands if one were to venture out alone, you'll probably get lost, cos they all look alike.

In the boat house, with my dad watching my sister throw darts and in the background, the other couple that went there the same time we went. So basically we ate with them and hanged out with them when we weren't doing any activity la.
P/s: see the red dart flying?...yeay! I finally managed to capture that with my dslr after many tries. =P

And since we were a small group...9 guest only (7 fr my family and 2 the other couple), we got plenty of attention from the owner, Mr Steve Leong. Really good food, his-own-recipe sauce for BBQed potato, which he says he'll only give us on our 3^rd time to the place; and the first ever group of guest to use his new dining area! He even ate with us on our last night.

View from the dining area around 7 something at night. I made them stand there for 3.2 seconds. Hehe, but worth it don't you think? At first my dad was like "what?? No point lar, won't be clear wan"...but he agreed with me at the end Haha. A bit blur la, but I'm not pro ma, plus we didn't use a tripod, cos.......i didn't think of it?
If you're expecting a nice little room with nice beds and a nice toilet like those 4 or 5 star hotels, think again. Remember the key word.....N.A.T.U.R.E

Us in our chalets, which fits only 3 ppl. The outdoor toilet, with mountain water and no heater. Freeeeeeezing!!!
We went jungle trekking there, the guide saw the herd of elephants and made us all faster trek down to safety again...sigh..we were pretty near the top di!! My younger bro and sis heard the elephants too. On another trail we saw the rafflesia buds. The guide said "come back again la in 2 weeks time, it should open then"! Too bad no photos of those. My dad was holding the camera.
Kayaking was the best thing there, so my brothers say. Made my arms so tired, I think I did enough exercise for the week during the trip.

The owner personally carved out the fishes and all in the wall. The walls and all were made mostly of wood, trees and stones. The whole place really has the owner’s touch, you’ll know he’s a nature lover just by looking at the place.

the boat house from the dining area/ house.
All in all, a different kind of holiday!! I enjoyed it all except for the insects. Me and my brother's chalets were infested with carnivorous ants on the 2nd day. They ate their dead fellow insects.....yerrrrr.

have you met people who, all they seem to do is complain? They come back to their sit and complain to you, who sits behind them, and to the other close friend that sits beside them, an again, to those of the same kind,in the next class . To them, if it doesn't go their way, its not the right way then. If its not to their convenience, something should be done about it. But not them. Their only job is to complain and gather symphathy and hope that things would change. If they deserve it, i wouldn't be blogging here. But the fact is, they do not.
As for these people i came across, they complained they weren't treated fairly as compared to the rest of us. They thought they deserved better, they thought they were under-graded. If you prepared a report by just copying from wikipedia,(without any editing at all) , copied a nicer picture to make the cover, then handed it in a few days late; you tell me they marked you wrong?

Good luck to them, but the world does not revolve around them, in case they haven't yet noticed.

With tonnes of them beside me, i can't help but feel smart. But then again, it makes me feel degraded too. I came to a place of higher learning expecting more, expecting to be challenged mentally, not to lose out in my quest for knowledge, but the only challenge i find is the courage to stand against the culture i see. The challenge to not procrastinate does not count, I'd get that anywhere.

Imagine this: The lecturer tells the assignment brief and explains well enough with examples too, not once, not twice....but every week, 4 weeks already. The mates come in every week, show him some sketches, he assumes they understand. Then when he does not approve after 4 weeks, he realizes they do not understand. Again he explains. Does that help? No. So what is it they do not understand?

mates:"Sir, what is motif?"

lecturer: "*slaps his forehead* I told you before!!..patterns. I want you to find and incorporate traditional patterns into your design!"

mates: "So we draw the motifs in our design?"

lecturer: "*sighs*
" Up to you lar whether you want to just put it there or however you can think of"

Thank goodness I am not the lecturer. I'd slap their head. Not mine.

Have you ever thought about God and all He's unexplainable actions and how 'cruel' some seem to be? Like taking away a parent from what could have been a pretty sweet family. Or letting a child, a very intelligent, great guy, one we girls wouldn't wanna miss; letting him go at the prime of his teens. Or even taking back a mum's life even after tonnes of prayers and fasting, leaving her young children to question, to search, to be extra vulnerable....what if they stop trusting then? What if, with a father to love, she would not need to depend on a guy to love her? Maybe then she would wait and trust Him to bring the right man, instead of playing god herself? God really has a different way of doing things and i guess a bigger plan for them. oh well, if we could understand all His plans, we would be God then, aint it?

I still wonder too whether this course is really God's plan for me; or was it my decision made purely out of rebellion? It has been fun indeed, a very different kind of learning, challenging but not that i really enjoy challenge, a kinda weird environment, yet very pressuring when I have no ideas at that crucial moment. And it can last for days. I am 2 weeks away from the half of the semester, time is not on my side. The pressure is building fast, especially when my classmates already have their designs approved and I am still cracking and knocking my brain to think, holding my eyelids up so I don't fall asleep, one pretty ok idea is birthed and then nothing again.
But then it isn't hard to keep dreaming of other things, and each time tonnes of ideas for anything else spills over like a waterfall, but no Mulan. (my theme this sem is fairytales and i chose Mulan)
Whoever thought design was one easy feat should swallow their words right now. I wish God's voice would just boom from above, or write on the wall or anything that is so obvious I'd be stupid not too realise!!

Enough of the emo-ness.

If you've been expecting a Raub post, my dress, camp post and birthday post, wait ever more patiently=D. Whatever that needs pictures is looonnng, and blogger hangs each time i try to arrange those pics. How annoying!

Till then....patience is a virtue;)

i'm dreaming of........pirouettes and twirls, flips and flying splits, ribbons and hoops. Dance is stuck on my mind. A fashion show with ballerina's in my designs dancing down the catwalk fills my brain. The colour, white; the fabric, flowy.

i'm hearing the silent, persistent call of the assignments to finish them before it piles so high i won't be able to see the other side. The nagging worries of ill-fitting garments, ugly colours, cheap designs and burning a hole in my purse. No more will i start work at the eleventh hour.

in front of me, the notes...and my worrisome-confused-questioning reflection. I'm thinking why is it so hard to understand? Why is it so long? Why can't i concentrate?
All these questions of my own suddenly rises again, interferes and distrupts my thought flows. Flying, waiting impatiently to be thrown at someone who could answer it, who would answer it. But who? I wish you'd tell me.

why, oh why do i think so much? why, why, why??

Friends

Met one lucky day, was it chance or a step outside our shell?

Chat and laugh the next, because birds of a feather flock together.

Then you disappeared,

And I wondered.

But thank God for technology, distance is now but a click away.

I see you, virtually.

I remembered you all these years

The question is, do you still remember me?

I'm sure we've all got friends like them. I read about them now, since I have no idea where they are. (thank God for blogs!)

Theres so many things I want to ask, friendships to rekindle, contacts to be re-established. I will remember to take down your phone numbers or msn now.

Its sad we never really got to talk bout much. Especially when I see now we've quite a bit in common interest. I love shopping too and I want to try shopping online, but I'd like you to teach me.

Was it really that we never got a chance to talk? Or was it purely shyness? Oh God, give us another chance!

*************
Talking to you is painful
I wonder why i still bother.

Like a knife piercing the heart
It only cuts deeper.
*************