Screaming in silence

This despair

The silent torture

Of wanting and longing

The only escape

In dreaming

The fantasies carving hopes

Hopes that it'd become true somehow

Like fairytales, the happy ever afters.

Backyard Invaders

i have kittens in my backyard!!....no, i'm not jumping for joy. they freak me out. ish..i just have something against fur and fury animals. its creepy.........!!!!!!!! sorry larrrr

there's suppose to be 4 of them..but 1 hiding in the broken pipe. somehow they all like to play in there. they'd pull and push each other out of the pipe just so they can get in....so funnny.

i have to admit they're pretty cute, but still..they scare me. i'm so paranoid they'd come climbing thru my window, i actually close it most of the time. same with the door, i keep it closed. and when i do have to go out.. i shiver if i have to go near them.

once, i was watering the plants pretty near them..the grey one 'grrrred' at me and i jumped back..haha. the 'grrrr' was kinda loud..k lar just slightly louder...then their usual 'miao'.. and the mother cat, sine she noe's my family tak tahan animals wan..always runs away whenever she sees us..and comes back usually only to feed her kittens. but she'll watch her brood from nearby.

i think they're a week old di...at frst my siblings wanted to shooo it the 1st day we saw them..but i had compassion for those kittens..(seeee, i'm not all that evil after all...haha) i guess when they're just born they won't be able to move much too kan, and the last thing i want is for them to die in my backyard!!!!
so thats y they're there!..so hope they go off fast...lol

my model (right) wearing my design posing with her friends, modeling the clothes my classmates made.

random pictures of my artwork:

maggie Q modelled my garment!!!! technically she DID!!haha...i lurve the hair c;)

and random artworks=):

sem's OVER and i'm happy!!!! i would be for this first few weeks.....so many of my friends are back.. yea!!!=)=);)more going outs, more money spent..... but 2 months is no-kidding-long. too long i'd think. gees.....mr LimKW should hire me to help him rearrange his uni's schedule. he prob doesn't realise how his schedule makes his students suffer. let me take u thru a year's schedule:

Jan: HOLS
Feb: HOL till chinese new year is over. then the sem starts
Mar, Apr, May: its 12 weeks or 13 weeks of classes. the last week of may is the last official week of classes
June: 2 weeks grace to pass up asgmts then HOLS
July:HOLS
Aug, Sept, Oct: another 14 weeks of classes, actually with 1 week mid sem break included. then i end
Nov: 2 weeks of grace again and its HOLS
Dec: HOLS !!

my gosh....mr Lim really sucks the money outta us. we suffocate and suffer for 14 weeks or if u are me...17 weeks (haha) then we enjoy for a month and rot the rest of the hols. thus your 15 k (or more)of tuition fees. i honestly won't mind an extra month of classes each sem. more time to do work, more lectures, and we can learn more.

all his brilliance, and these he can't figure out??!! *shakes head*

i rant enough. i shall enjoy.

tagged by xiang ning:

Part 1: On the outside
Name: Shern Ai
Date of Birth: 4th september (now u noe , so....... *hint hint*) hehe
Current Status: Single
Hair Colour: black
Righty or Lefty: lefty


Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage: Pure Chinese
Your Fear: insecurities! i hate being alone anywhere, anytime. and i'm paranoid of what u'll think of me after this. haha;)

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: i still wanna sleeeeeppp
Bedtime: Random
Your most missed memory: being with friends and talking our hearts out

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: they taste the same lar....
Single or Group Dates: both. actually i dunoe. how i noe?! i don't have a bf also=(
Adidas or Nike: mng??
Lipton Tea or Nestea: old town white coffee ...haha

Part 5: Do You...
Smoke: i can't stand smoke
Curse: hehehe........when i'm angry yea lar (ooopsss.......ssshhhhh)
Drink: ...... if shandy counts?

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: Nope...NO WAY!!
Changed who you were to fit in: sometimes

Part 8: Age
You're hoping to be married: it used to be 24, now no way!.. its too soon, i don't have a bf and i'll only start work then.

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best eye colour: brown
Hair colour: dark purple!!
Short or long hair: depends whether its a guy or girl

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago: Answering the previous question
1 hour ago: chatting
1 month ago: slave to my asgmts

Part 11: Finish The Sentences
I love: music, fashion, art and maths
I miss : my friends
I need: God, family, friends, internet and answers!

Part 12: Tag
aaron, joanna, anna, lydia ( all the very free ppl!)

List out 5 presents you wish for your upcoming birthday:
1. an mp3 handphone...slim, slide, 5 mega pix camera, loads of memory and xtra memory stick...
2. i want a dress form!!!
3. a light blue myvi
4. dinner at tony romas , or japanese buffet
5. more presents!!

Now, i really thank God i didn't choose to major in business. Twice i had that idea. twice i had that opportunity. if i did, dunoe what will happen to me now.
STUPID BUSINESS MANAGEMENT!!! annoying research.

stare. crap. blank.

this assignment is due in 7 HOURS and i'm only halfway done. good luck to....me.







ok. back to assignment.

think, crap, blank, crap , blank, crap , blank, blank ,blank, BLANK, BLANK!!!


*........AARGH......*

sitting on the chair
my laptop facing me
my book on my lap, opened
i read (or try to read)
but
all i see is a jungle of words.


i look again
i read again
still they're just words
words i cannot make any sense of
(no, they're perfectly fine)
its just ME.


yet again i (TRY) to read
(TRY) to analyze what i've read
(TRY to connect them with what i've learned
(TRY) to write it for my assignment

BUT

My mind is absolutely blank. It has been for days. B-L-A-N-K.
Seriously nothing is going in or going out. Not when it comes to this assignment.
I barely started.
And its due this Wednessday.


God help me!! i NEED NEED NEED to focus!!!

*i wish there was some huge green pasture on a mountain top somewhere near that i could just go and scream my lungs out*

GODISNOWHERE


God is no where OR God is now here?


i prefer God is now here.
well, He is not just here now but, he was here just now and He'll be here later too.
thank God for that cos i really really really need You here!! i know i can't do aLL this with my own strength. it IS utterly impossible. there's just to much to juggle and no matter how much i try, (or TRY to try) i still struggle.

God help me pleassseeee!!!

*my mind is officially detached from my body. i don't know if i'm thinking, what i'm thinking or if i'm even thinking. there's just so much running through my mind i can't even make out what exactly it is. its just so weird. *

One wonders why on earth did God create mosquitoes and ants and other like insects (PEST). What good are they? Biting us, sucking the blood outta us, annoying us; in short, such troublemakers.
So, ants teach us a valuable lesson about working hard and preparing for the future. what else? What about mosquitoes and flies? Causing us malaria and other diseases are their only gift or am i a little under knowledged as to their other benefits? Do tell me!!


And yes, you guess right. As i'm sitting here doing my business assignment, i'm being fed on by mosquitoes. Thus sparked this random idea of blogging bout this pest. hmh........this i've wondered for years.

ish.....if had a 'most frustrating week' list, this week will rank high. its not just the assignments. well, lets just start with that.

my assignments are sky rocketing and i only have 6 weeks more to complete EVERYTHING!. the everything which includes:
1) 2 watercolour paintings, 1 poster colour, 1 marker rendering (distortion) of which i have yet to choose a picture, distort it and get it aproved, and there's still 2 more to come!!

2) i've got a dress pattern to complete and the dress to sew. imagine, i took 8 weeks to complete my 1st dress..now i only have 6, and its just my 2nd dress! prolly need to find the accessorries (gulp..more money!!) and find a model for the presentation.

3) then there's this whole business management research on abercrombie. honestly, i think i'm the laziest in the group. christina's done her part, sabira and tania should be almost done too. me? i'm only 5% started! i feel so bad each time she ask me about it...

4) next is a pants to sew. well at least this wan got progress la, but super slow.

5) history journal..haih. i haven't started. ish. all these research punya work so annoying.

last saturday i auditioned for christmas. a morning to learn a whole dance proves too much for my brain. i learn too slowly..always. hmh...i screwed the auditions yet again. so dissapointing.

then there was Tuesday. the day i burnt a whole in my pocket. the day i dissapointed my parents badly. i still feel bad, still feel the tears welling when i think of Tuesday.

and yesterday, i broke my contact lens. yea, i know..like WHAT??! i think i didn't place the left side of the contacts properly and it slipped out into the container into the storing liquid. and as i was trying to take it out i prolly broke it then. (mine's semi hard lense) somehow i almost always only think of the better solution after things happen. ish...dunnoe how to tell my parents. dun even know whether to tell them anot. ish..have to spend money again. another 100+ will fly away. (must so go and work this holidays!)

then there's friends that unknowingly dissapoint you. small matters but they do count. what's worst? i can't and don't know how to tell them that.

ugh!!!!!!..............

somehow each time i get the chance to feel extra independent i feel someone else is just trying to get me into trouble. earning my own money for the 1st time felt so good, i was so happy i thought i could cover the cost of the fabric already. nay. instead the fabric cost almost double what i earned. why? cos i dunnoe how to go to the shop selling cheaper jeans material. annd....me and mahsa made many dumb mistakes. non-street wise ppl. we could have taken the e1 bus (we were on it) right up to central market, instead we stopped at central kl and got cheated of 8 bux for the ride to central market. then, when going back, she could have waited for e1 at cm instead of going back to central, missing the bus (the bus just left right when we arrived) and waiting for another 40 minutes and me could have taken the bus straight to midvalley instead of dropping at central, pay more money and take the train to midvalley. ish..

after the interview at midvalley pulak, my 2 joker friends ( namely margaret and robin) decided to wait in hunger for me and stef to finish..that was at 9+. yes..and so we ate then. gosh, what if we had eaten and wanted to go back straightaway,,,st_p_d!!!!!! i was rushing to get to the ktm by 10pm cos the last train to subang is at 11 and its ktm ler....tau tau la. manatau the train to midvalley tergendala 3 freaking times!! the train only arrived at like wat, 10.50 something. i reached central at 11.05. needless to say, the last train gone di lar. my mind went into panic mode when i saw the sign...next train..
5.15

and to top it all i only had 2 cents in my phone, 30 cents coins in my wallet and no one had enough coins to change for a dollar note. i was stranded!!!!

i called my dad and next thing i heard was shouting. he was like " so now how?..WALK HOME LA!!'. he asked me to find a way back first before he came. and thats what i did. i went out just in time to catch the last rapid kl to subang.but since i couldn't call him, i messaged my sis to get him to call me asap. well, that took a while and when he called the bus moved off already..with me inside. And the worst thing was he said he was nearby already!.. that thought did strike when i entered the bus, but panic clouded my mind and i dismissed that innervoice.

all through the bus ride, i was either trying to hold back tears or deciding in my mind whether to prepare my defence or just let them scold. well, i did deserve it in a way. sigh.
getting in my parents car when at subang was worst. pure torture. the silent treatment they gave me was killing. i wished they'd scold me, scream at me, anything but be silent. parent's always do that, don't they? make you feel bad by not talking....

and so i decided, i will TRY VERY VERY HARD to not go out till so late at night. especially if it involves public transport. and i will keep a spare reload card in my phone unless i change to postpaid fast! its a good thing they didn't decide to ground me, they did think of that but later crossed that idea..and i thank them for that. so i must now prove my dependence again.


cos

"no amount of independence is mature
if i have to trouble my parents"


"no amount of fun is worth it
if my parents worry all that time"

earned rm 120 for crapping an entire hour..not bad eh?.lol...

*me laughs all the way home!*

seriously, all i did was comment and give my views on whether this or that design is nicer and why sometimes...it was actually quite fun!

thank you Stef!!! luv you to bits. your kawan here appreciates you thinking of sharing the opportunity dengan ku!!

One day my mum was talking about my bro eating maggi in the evening. Me, as blur as I am obviously didn't know a thing la. so…...
Me: oohhh….he must have ate in the kitchen. I don't know anything that happens outside the study room wan.
Bro: *looks at me and shakes his head. " wrong. you don't know anything that happens besides whats in front of you."
Sis:*roles her eyes. " he was eating behind you la."
Me:????!!!!!!.........*I totally, absolutely did not realize lor. I didn't even know he was in the room, for the matter.
Mum: *shakes her head and sighs aloud

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……….i think I just mastered the art of shutting out everything all the time, unless I make a conscious effort to look around!

Somehow, me and my younger brother have this ability to shut things out. My brother shuts his ears to the rest of the world when his reading, or when he knows your gonna ask him to do something. Me?..i just shut everything. That's why I'm labeled the blur one at home. I usually don't know whats going on and what plans the rest have made. Sometimes I don't even know we are going for a family holiday till 1 or 2 days beforehand. Or, when the music plays and anyone ask me what just played, I would usually not know. I can't even recall the tune or the lyrics of what I just 'heard'. It really becomes background music. I hear and know it's music but it just doesn't register what song's playing, even if I know the song at the back of my hand.

i finally drove out of SS 19 for the 1st time!!....... it was a nightmare for my mum, i think i scared my sis the whole half an hour, my siblings can't stop shaking their heads..and me?...am just so happy i finally drove again after....erh, 1 year hiatus?..lol

no, i didn't drive the unser. my dad borrowed his friend's saga cos his car kena curi last year..so i drove that.... haha. thank goodness i didn't scratch, dent or apa-apa la too the car.

i was suppose to trail my mum all the way to ss14 so we could send the unser to the workshop and go home with the saga. a few times it looked as though i was gonna bang my mum's car..she was like "aiyoh, she going so fast down the slope, i better go faster too" haha. fact is, i was trying to brake cos its nearing traffic light but u noe with different cars the brake also different kan, some cars press a bit only also can di....not with the saga. my sis was practically screaming her lungs out, not once but a few times sumore.

the when it turned green, i release brake la...but i couldnt balance the clutch and accelerator properly, mati-ed enjin 3 times!!! that's just at 1 traffic light . i mati-ed lotsa times more than that. even reversing out of the house, i mati so many times my mum had to drive it out for me.

when i finally got through,,then entered at 14, i didn't realise it was a one way street, i jalan saja. lol thank God there was ample space to park. my mind was already panicking cos i seriously forgotten all about the parking part when my mum asked if i was game to drive.

oh well....every new driver's first faults are always mati enjin and driving the wrong way on 1 way streets. ..and it manual ok!.*pats myself on the back* hehe.
i'm still noob k. (though already got C license wan) =)

fuming mad and pissed!.......sometimes technology is just so ANNOYING. annoying's an understatement but i can't find any other word to best describe the situation..so, ANNOYING!!!!

i get kicked out every few seconds...and when i get reconnected i get kicked out again! and whats this limited conncetivity?????

and since i'm using the laptop i get kicked out more often...! my bro using the house com only gets slow connection and gets kicked out every few minutes....argh!..and all he's doing is reading manga while i'm doing my assignment!!

argh again! life IS unfair....its patience challenging. (not that i have any to begin with.)

gosh..i don't know wether to be excited cos its holidays this 1 week or cry and groan and work like no tomorrow still. After this holidays i only have 6 official weeks of uni and 2 extra weeks if the lecturer would be oh-so-kind! And then its sem break again.
my assignment list for this holiday includes:-
1) business -company research. havn't call the other group members to distribute our workload. and sould start studying for the finals too. our seniors been telling us no one ever got an A for his class. the highest was a B....and thats so scary. i want an A!!

2) next is illustration...hmh. this wan got overdued work di. seriously i also dunnoe what i do sometimes. (k, make that most of the time) 3 weeks and still can't finish the colour pencil hatching. not just that, till now i've only done the face! and most of my classmates have started the black and white painting di....3 even finished the coloured water colour painting too and are now starting poster colour!!! they took 3 days for each. hmh...!

3) sewing- my stupid dress zipper!....haih., it was almost perfect at first. except that the invisible zipper became quite visible at one stretch. and since i had time last friday the lecturer asked me to repair that. and so i did though i reallllllyy realllly tak suka the uni's sewing machine. and needless to say i had a war with the machine and it 'ate' 3 of my needles. haih..from 9 at the starting of the sem i'm only left with 1 now. and i broke about 5 of it just last week alone...and yes, the invisible zipper is still visible albeit at a different point now, AND i dunnoe how it appeared but got extra cloth at on part too...so it just looks plain weird!!! the lecturer also laugh cos 1 side is perfectly fine, but the other is a disaster. thats not all.......i should start the pattern for my pants tooo.....most of my classmates have already started it...seriously i dunnoe why me and christina's always the last or one of the last to finish wan.

4) next, design. haih.....every class just has to have some cheong hei ppl. and so happen i was sitting opposite her that day. so each time i call the lecturer to help me...she pulak will go "miss, is this right?..so i do this, this, this ,this and this, right? then i do this, this, this and that? ok, because i have to..(whatever la)".....and she continues and repeats this procedure again and again. and each time she does this she has the nerve to look at me and say, just a minute ya! a minute my foot la...to me its just plain RUDE when you do it tooo many times. get a hint when even the lecturer roles her eyes (behind her back la). your not the only one in class ok..and its not only you who wants to get it done fast. ..and because of that i may have to go to uni one of these days to ask her to help me! i so dread going there....only bus going there is at 8 and the earliest bus to go home is 3.. i should go with christina to buy cloth one of these days tooo..ish, i dislike going to masjid jamek area..dahlah i will get sesat, and i generally think the place is just.... dislikeable? haha

5) then there's history. we're suppose to watch 'the devil wear's prada' and do character analysis on the main characters. something more interesting, haha. anyone up for an old movie? also should start writing my journal on all the topics we've covered in the past 7 weeks...more research and the lecturers like "journals should be handwritten"..so , yea.....!!!!!!!
so funny the day the lecturer announced we have a holiday assginment, Mahsa complained aloud.."but its a holiday! we're suppose to relax, not do work!.." the whole class including the lecturer erupted with laughter. but its so seriously true. technically la, holiday means relax, no?...but with this amount of homework.....nah!

my first 2 illustrations...hatching is no easy feat. not with pen at least..but its fun! next wan is colour pencil then paint..(ewwwww...) then markers!!! yea, can't wait for that.=)

pen:-

pencil:-

oops sorry can't turn the picture....=(

no bed made of roses,
no cloud with silver lining,
no throne for a chair,
no palace to call home.

this is the life i chose
i'll sleep,
i'll eat,
i'll breathe,
i'll live this life.

i'll journey this path,
the road less troden.

when 3 girls get together,



we take silly pictures.....!





in class,





we camwhore,



and.....





take more silly pictures!!! c",)

aiks.........kena tagged by sheryiin..

Instructions: Remove ONE question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all...(sure anot?)

1. Who is your all-time inspiration?
who ar?....lets change it to what....hehe. anything and everything pretty?

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
no lar.

3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 3 blog buddies you would take with you? Why?
hmh..
i) margaret!! monkey joker...ur so funny, definitely bring you lar to keep me company..........bwahaha
ii) lydia..cos we can talk for hours and not run out of topics to talk bout. hahaha
iii) melanie......by then u'll have NS experience!! =)

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
for now, it's korea, the scenary in those dramas are just so enticing. i'm generally not a scenary but this is exceptionnally nice.

5. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
to be TALLER!!!! duh...........

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?-
yeah, i've seen quite a number mysel.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
my friends.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
buy car!!!!!! then shopping, and go eat at places i'd normally can't afford and the rest keep la.

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
nope. guys should make the first move. haha ...be a guy!!

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
talks more now that i'm no longer her cg leader..haha, but she's nice and really hardworking!

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
a good looking christian, lean guy, right brainer too, must be amusing at least to me, and builds me up.

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
people who talk secrets they don't want me to hear, in front of me!!!

13. What is your ambition?
be a famous, succesful designer?

14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
tell me!! nothing hurts more than knowing i'm being talked about behind my back.

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
honestly, my friends.

16) Are you a shopaholic ?
yup, and quite impulsive at times. but mostly indecisive..sighs*

17. erh.........who created this tag thing anyway??!!!

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
to not go blank all the time!!!

19. Name a song which got stuck in your head first thing this morning, and you can't help but keep it. Are you happy about it?
all american rejects-straight jacket feeling. a visit to carissa's blog got me addicted to most of the songs on her playlist..including this!!

20. What do you wish to have now?
my own room with a walk in wardrobe and more clothes, shoes and bags to fill it, a...... forget it. i want a magic wand that'll give me everything i want not just now, but forever!!! hehehehe

i tag:
margaret, stefanie, melanie, lydia, rachelle, sharon, roxanne, and eunice!

more about my momental memory loss.........2 weeks ago, i woke up on time, dressed up as usual only taking my swweeet time, somehow forgetting that the bus leaves at 8.15. i went in my mum's car only realising then that its already 8.13! and i just left the house. i frantically called my fren to ask the drvier to wait, but no, the driver refused. and so i reached just in time to see the bus move from its spot. next thing i knew, it was a wild goose chase between the bus driver and my mum tailing him directly behind, honking him to stop. at first i thought i could run to catch him since he stopped a sec at sjmc. but that didn't work and i ended up running a few steps bahind him like a mad girl. ....so embarassing.. i hope no one i know saw me! thank goodness i arrived at the sunway stop in time to get on the bus. not without bouts of laughing from my friends though.

then last monday, i forgotten to bring my asignment to do in that 6 hrs before class. i placed it on my table the night before, while packing. but somehow, when i brought my bag to the front a few minutes later, that big file on my table decided to hide from my eyes. it slipped my mind, and i didn't see it. i only realised it when i reached the bus stop the next morning.

again my brain decides to play tricks on me. yesterday i thought my violin class is at 3pm instead of 3,30. i went in confidently, and upon seeing his actual 3 pm student which arrived later than me, he questioned. and i confidently answered 'my time is 3'. haha..big joke.....now he'll probably laugh at that too for the next few weeks till he finds a new joke. who knew my name could be a source of laughter too.....ai, why your eye like that wan? hahaha

barely 3 weeks of uni and its just crazy! asignments are pilling, the excitement rising, yet the mood dampens day by day. yes, i'm finally gonna design my own garments, and yes, i feel more like a professional artist now. but the higher my asignments pile, the more moody i become, the less i want to finish it, let alone start doing. such a procrastinator.
i'm jealous too. my friends can still afford to relax, but i have to slug day and night just trying to finish it. and i already have a late submission. gosh.......!
as i sit here writing this post, i'm supposed to be doing pencil hatching. but i take forever. 1 whole day for a sleeve is no joke. and i have to pass this up on monday. the ever impending thought that my work is just not nice, not perfect enough is reason to blame. having stef's work as example has its good and bad. my classmates saw that gorgeous piece of work, so did my lecturers. they now think i'm good. kinda hard living up to that expectation, aint it?
that aside, i still have 30 sketches to design. read: i need ideas desperately! its due tuesday;a dress pattern block to complete, of which i've forgotten half the instructions. sigh....i've been having memory problems lately.
not to mention, i still wanna go out with deb and the rest of the gang this week, since its deb's last week of hols. with that amount of work??

since when did i care bout politics? bout elections and ministers, government and opposition and what nots? hmh...my parents are. everyone around me is, surprisingly even my close friends are. guess it rubbed on me. as much as i don't like it, its scary in a way too. especially when every few minutes i hear the opposition winning, or the coalition's top guns losing. i'm shivering already!!!! what would happen to us? would our everyday life be still what we've come to know as normal? what if......? gosh, i don't even wanna think about it anymore.
i'm as unsettled as the waves of a roaring sea? like a tornado forming in my brain. i can't think straight, and i can't do work.
no, i'm not thinking bout the polls. no wait. i don't even know what i'm thinking or what i should be thinking. its all jumbled up. even simple things like which assignment i should start with seems like an impossible task. what is wrong with me?!
all's not well.
i'm not clear what i'm suppose to fill my concept board with. pictures of what? kate beckinsale only? how am i going to find enough interesting pictures to fill that A3 board?. what is a concept board anyway?
i don't know what outfit to design, what material to use. was at a loss when i went to kamdar on friday. i was totally blank on what to find. i give up so easily when i don't see what i imagine!!
again i start to think. do i really want to do this? i don't like sewing and i shiver at the prospect of having to sew my own design in just a matter of a few weeks. to top it, i hear that we'll be having a fashion show for our designs too at the end of the semester, that's like what....3 months?

exciting, yes. anxious and frustrated too.

Scream!!!!!!!......shattered to a million pieces. Like a bomb blast. Scattered. Unable to regain its form, unable to function, rendered useless by the mighty blow. Like a bolt of lightning screeching through, screams thundering, clouding any audible voice left. The intensity? magnificently magnified with the thoughts and images rushing through, not stopping, not allowing even a glimpse. What madness! Wild, insane, the unthinkable, the thoughts going berserk, like wires going haywire. Brownian's movement in the human core.

One secret revealed, and blown out of proportion.