Now, i really thank God i didn't choose to major in business. Twice i had that idea. twice i had that opportunity. if i did, dunoe what will happen to me now.
STUPID BUSINESS MANAGEMENT!!! annoying research.

stare. crap. blank.

this assignment is due in 7 HOURS and i'm only halfway done. good luck to....me.







ok. back to assignment.

think, crap, blank, crap , blank, crap , blank, blank ,blank, BLANK, BLANK!!!


*........AARGH......*

sitting on the chair
my laptop facing me
my book on my lap, opened
i read (or try to read)
but
all i see is a jungle of words.


i look again
i read again
still they're just words
words i cannot make any sense of
(no, they're perfectly fine)
its just ME.


yet again i (TRY) to read
(TRY) to analyze what i've read
(TRY to connect them with what i've learned
(TRY) to write it for my assignment

BUT

My mind is absolutely blank. It has been for days. B-L-A-N-K.
Seriously nothing is going in or going out. Not when it comes to this assignment.
I barely started.
And its due this Wednessday.


God help me!! i NEED NEED NEED to focus!!!

*i wish there was some huge green pasture on a mountain top somewhere near that i could just go and scream my lungs out*

GODISNOWHERE


God is no where OR God is now here?


i prefer God is now here.
well, He is not just here now but, he was here just now and He'll be here later too.
thank God for that cos i really really really need You here!! i know i can't do aLL this with my own strength. it IS utterly impossible. there's just to much to juggle and no matter how much i try, (or TRY to try) i still struggle.

God help me pleassseeee!!!

*my mind is officially detached from my body. i don't know if i'm thinking, what i'm thinking or if i'm even thinking. there's just so much running through my mind i can't even make out what exactly it is. its just so weird. *

One wonders why on earth did God create mosquitoes and ants and other like insects (PEST). What good are they? Biting us, sucking the blood outta us, annoying us; in short, such troublemakers.
So, ants teach us a valuable lesson about working hard and preparing for the future. what else? What about mosquitoes and flies? Causing us malaria and other diseases are their only gift or am i a little under knowledged as to their other benefits? Do tell me!!


And yes, you guess right. As i'm sitting here doing my business assignment, i'm being fed on by mosquitoes. Thus sparked this random idea of blogging bout this pest. hmh........this i've wondered for years.

ish.....if had a 'most frustrating week' list, this week will rank high. its not just the assignments. well, lets just start with that.

my assignments are sky rocketing and i only have 6 weeks more to complete EVERYTHING!. the everything which includes:
1) 2 watercolour paintings, 1 poster colour, 1 marker rendering (distortion) of which i have yet to choose a picture, distort it and get it aproved, and there's still 2 more to come!!

2) i've got a dress pattern to complete and the dress to sew. imagine, i took 8 weeks to complete my 1st dress..now i only have 6, and its just my 2nd dress! prolly need to find the accessorries (gulp..more money!!) and find a model for the presentation.

3) then there's this whole business management research on abercrombie. honestly, i think i'm the laziest in the group. christina's done her part, sabira and tania should be almost done too. me? i'm only 5% started! i feel so bad each time she ask me about it...

4) next is a pants to sew. well at least this wan got progress la, but super slow.

5) history journal..haih. i haven't started. ish. all these research punya work so annoying.

last saturday i auditioned for christmas. a morning to learn a whole dance proves too much for my brain. i learn too slowly..always. hmh...i screwed the auditions yet again. so dissapointing.

then there was Tuesday. the day i burnt a whole in my pocket. the day i dissapointed my parents badly. i still feel bad, still feel the tears welling when i think of Tuesday.

and yesterday, i broke my contact lens. yea, i know..like WHAT??! i think i didn't place the left side of the contacts properly and it slipped out into the container into the storing liquid. and as i was trying to take it out i prolly broke it then. (mine's semi hard lense) somehow i almost always only think of the better solution after things happen. ish...dunnoe how to tell my parents. dun even know whether to tell them anot. ish..have to spend money again. another 100+ will fly away. (must so go and work this holidays!)

then there's friends that unknowingly dissapoint you. small matters but they do count. what's worst? i can't and don't know how to tell them that.

ugh!!!!!!..............

somehow each time i get the chance to feel extra independent i feel someone else is just trying to get me into trouble. earning my own money for the 1st time felt so good, i was so happy i thought i could cover the cost of the fabric already. nay. instead the fabric cost almost double what i earned. why? cos i dunnoe how to go to the shop selling cheaper jeans material. annd....me and mahsa made many dumb mistakes. non-street wise ppl. we could have taken the e1 bus (we were on it) right up to central market, instead we stopped at central kl and got cheated of 8 bux for the ride to central market. then, when going back, she could have waited for e1 at cm instead of going back to central, missing the bus (the bus just left right when we arrived) and waiting for another 40 minutes and me could have taken the bus straight to midvalley instead of dropping at central, pay more money and take the train to midvalley. ish..

after the interview at midvalley pulak, my 2 joker friends ( namely margaret and robin) decided to wait in hunger for me and stef to finish..that was at 9+. yes..and so we ate then. gosh, what if we had eaten and wanted to go back straightaway,,,st_p_d!!!!!! i was rushing to get to the ktm by 10pm cos the last train to subang is at 11 and its ktm ler....tau tau la. manatau the train to midvalley tergendala 3 freaking times!! the train only arrived at like wat, 10.50 something. i reached central at 11.05. needless to say, the last train gone di lar. my mind went into panic mode when i saw the sign...next train..
5.15

and to top it all i only had 2 cents in my phone, 30 cents coins in my wallet and no one had enough coins to change for a dollar note. i was stranded!!!!

i called my dad and next thing i heard was shouting. he was like " so now how?..WALK HOME LA!!'. he asked me to find a way back first before he came. and thats what i did. i went out just in time to catch the last rapid kl to subang.but since i couldn't call him, i messaged my sis to get him to call me asap. well, that took a while and when he called the bus moved off already..with me inside. And the worst thing was he said he was nearby already!.. that thought did strike when i entered the bus, but panic clouded my mind and i dismissed that innervoice.

all through the bus ride, i was either trying to hold back tears or deciding in my mind whether to prepare my defence or just let them scold. well, i did deserve it in a way. sigh.
getting in my parents car when at subang was worst. pure torture. the silent treatment they gave me was killing. i wished they'd scold me, scream at me, anything but be silent. parent's always do that, don't they? make you feel bad by not talking....

and so i decided, i will TRY VERY VERY HARD to not go out till so late at night. especially if it involves public transport. and i will keep a spare reload card in my phone unless i change to postpaid fast! its a good thing they didn't decide to ground me, they did think of that but later crossed that idea..and i thank them for that. so i must now prove my dependence again.


cos

"no amount of independence is mature
if i have to trouble my parents"


"no amount of fun is worth it
if my parents worry all that time"

earned rm 120 for crapping an entire hour..not bad eh?.lol...

*me laughs all the way home!*

seriously, all i did was comment and give my views on whether this or that design is nicer and why sometimes...it was actually quite fun!

thank you Stef!!! luv you to bits. your kawan here appreciates you thinking of sharing the opportunity dengan ku!!